In the NowWednesday, March 20, 2013
Something that has been on my mind a lot lately (and I mean a lot!) is wanting to be more present. To be more into what is happening in my life today. Not tomorrow. Not next week, or month or ten years from now. To be more focused on the little things, and to enjoy them more. Not to let my happiness hinge on those things in the future, that I'm waiting to happen.
I'm sure a lot of people struggle with this. And it's so hard not too! When you have goals and dreams, which are great things to have, you can put so much focus on those things. But then, what happens to your now? When all of your energy is spent looking to the future? I feel sometimes that time is just flashing by me, and I'm wishing it away, trying to get to somewhere different.
I've been this way as long as I can remember. I know I enjoyed my childhood, don't get me wrong, but the biggest theme that stands out to me is how badly I wanted to grow up. I would constantly day dream about the days when I could make my own decisions, be my own person. I remember when I was ten, I literally started counting down the years until I was grown! And I continued to count down. Until I was a teenager, until I had a boyfriend, until I graduated, until I was married. I was always looking, and wishing myself forward.
Today it's the same story. I'm always thinking, "I'll be happier when I lose that last ten pounds, when I get to go on vacation, when I get to throw this party, when my husband is more successful, when we have more money, when I have a baby, when, when, when..."
The thing is, maybe I won't be happier! Maybe I'll just keep looking to the next thing. Because I'm happy now. I just don't take the time to truly realize it. To be content and thankful for the things I have now. For my everyday experiences. And sometimes, when I'm so caught up in planning and wishing, I raise my expectations too high. There have been several times when I was so intensely focused on how amazing some event or time would be, that I was let down. It wasn't as magical as I had imagined. Then, how much more of a waste was the time that I spent wishing would go faster?
I know I'm not very old, but sometimes it still seems like just yesterday that I was a kid. And that makes me kind of sad. How will I feel in ten or twenty years, if I don't make a change? Like I just wished all my time away, when I should have been enjoying it? That's not what I want, at all.
So, my new goal is to be happier in my now. That's not to say that I won't still make plans, or have dreams, because I will. But I will let them come in their own time, because it will come fast enough. I want to be able to look back at a life filled with small happy moments, and know that I didn't just wish it all away. To be thankful for each day, and to find beauty and happiness in being present. I want to enjoy each season, and not try to rush on to the next, no matter how tired of winter I am, or how much I want fall to come.
We only get so much time, and I want mine to be well spent.
What about you? Do you think about this, and is it something you want to work on as well? Let me know!