It's Good to be Queen!Thursday, May 02, 2013
Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at.
Today, I'm going to give you some excellent tips and tricks. You see, I'm pretty much an expert on something, and I know you all are secretly dying to pick my brain. In fact, I think I will go one step further than saying I'm just an "expert." I'm the freaking queen!
That's right, if you want to know how to waste all of your time, then you have come to the right place my friend. I mean, come on! Who doesn't want to be late, everywhere (and I mean absolutely everywhere) you go? Every. Single. Day.
It's such a blast, and I feel like it's just not fair for me to keep these all to myself. So, here's a little list to help you on your journey to late-ness. And maybe, just maybe, you can someday be just as good as me! Now, without further ado, I give you:
Step one: Make sure you know how long it takes you to get ready to go. You know, shower, eat breakfast, small morning chores, the works. Set your alarm to get up early enough to get all of these tasks done. Then, hit your snooze. At least three times!
Step two: Now that you're anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes behind schedule, take your time getting around. Log onto Facebook, and all of your other social media first thing! Read some posts, share that draft you did the night before. Whatever, you really aren't that behind yet.
Step three: Look up and realize that you have wasted 15 minutes! Don't worry, you're doing great! Jump up and make your coffee and get your breakfast started. You've still got plenty of time.
Step four: Jump back on the computer for "just a sec," while your eggs are cooking. Let them burn, then get all pissed off because you hate when they're over-done.
Step five: Make breakfast and or lunch for your love. Except it probably won't be and, it will be one or the other, because you are on a roll right now, and there definitely isn't time to do both! Or...maybe there is, just go ahead and do it anyway.
Step six: Time to shower! At this point, you should be feeling the pressure. You know how long it takes for you to get ready at this point, right? Well, you might have only lost a quarter of that. But, some of you pros, like me, will have knocked that number down by half! Whoop, whoop! You go girls!
Step seven: Make sure your shower isn't much faster than usual. I mean, it's not something you can really rush, right? Then take your time with your make-up (and hair). You don't want to look like a bag-lady, do you?
Step eight: Getting dressed. Make sure you don't have your outfit already picked out. Dig through those shirts you didn't have time to hang up yesterday, and try to find one you like. Put on an outfit. Take it off. Try on another one! Then get rid of it too.
Step nine: Run to the computer to "double check" the weather, so you know which outfit to wear. Get distracted on your social media of choice for another five minutes.
Step ten: Rush back to your room to get dressed. At this point, you should still have some finishing touches to add to your hair, and then you have to brush your teeth. But don't rush on that because, well, you know, cavities and stuff.
Step eleven: Notice that the time you should have left has come and gone (anywhere from five to fifteen minutes before) and you still have one last thing to do. Make your lunch, take off that chipped nail polish, search for your car keys. Any of these will work, it's totally up to you!
So, there you have it! Following all, or most, of these steps will ensure that you won't arrive anywhere on time! Ever! It makes life so much more exciting, don't you think? Plus, you can even add some fun extras, like getting extreme road rage because you're stuck behind someone doing five under speed limit. Or spilling your coffee, because you didn't have time to put it in a to-go mug! These will definitely add that little something special to your morning.
I know, I know. You're very welcome. Stay tuned, because this might just be my new series! I can teach you how to keep your friends waiting, how to let your laundry pile up, and, my favorite one of all, how to keep that "disaster zone" look in your kitchen at all times!
I hope you enjoyed this, and that you get a chance to use all of these tips soon.
Now, bow to your queen!